If you think to yourself, I love to waste money, but I want to literally piss it away, then you’re in luck: Companies around Silicon Valley have created the perfect product to help you flush cash down the toilet—raw water!
Enough of this “perfectly-safe-to-drink” water of the 21st century. Raw water is old-school—as in, “You just died of dysentery” old-school. The proponents of raw water praise the fact that the water they’re hawking doesn’t contain chemicals like chlorine, fluoride, or chloramines. Instead, their completely untreated water flows naturally from the earth, full of gut-healthy probiotics. And it comes to you in the most natural way possible—delivered by a guy with a manbun in a painted van. Oh, and it’s at least $16 for two and a half gallons. Just like nature intended.
After the New York Times broke the story about the new raw water movement, Live Water (which has a logo that looks like it belongs on the Myspace page of a Phish cover band) has received most of the attention. Probably because their founder, Mukhande Singh (née Christopher Sanborn), likes to make odd statements that fall somewhere on the hippie-douche spectrum. Things like, “It stays most fresh within one lunar cycle of delivery” and “Tap water? You’re drinking toilet water with birth control drugs in them.”
First of all, I wish my water had birth control in it—that would be so much easier. Second, toilet water is safe to drink and often recommended as a source of H20 in emergencies. Sure, you don’t want to drink it out of the bowl because your poop contaminates it, but technically you could drink out of the tank and be just fine. One school found their toilets to be cleaner than their drinking fountains, so take that as you will. To be clear, I’m not a toilet-drinking advocate, I just want to illustrate how clean our water generally is.
But Singh isn’t the only one singing the praises of raw water. Another big fan is David Evans, a.k.a. the founder of Juicero—the company that tried to sell a $400 Wi-Fi-enabled juicer that did nothing but squeeze bags of juice you could easily squeeze yourself. Evans cared so much about getting fresh, untreated water that he and his friends regularly sneaked through private properties to steal stream water under the cover of darkness, according to the Times. It’s funny that a man who sold plastic bags of juice would be so fearful of chemicals in his liquids, but then, it’s a funny world out there.